I hate those days when…..

In a similar vein to the other day, a post where I just let my thoughts hit the page. 

 

I hate those days when I feel underappreciated and taken for granted. I know it’s not true but it’s true that’s how I feel sometimes. I live at home with my elderly grandparents and a mother who suffers with ME. I get pissed off at the other grandkids who are never around to do the things I do everyday. As the first port of call I’m on hand to do all the tasks that need doing and they are plenty: trips to the hospital, cleaning, washing, hoovering, cooking, the big food shops that are way over the top but I guess my grandparents are stuck in the days of buying food for 6 kids plus them. Now’s there’s just me most days. Sometimes the house is too old and too sick and there’s not enough vibrancy, not enough energy and I feel older than my 28 years. I don’t begrudge any of it and don’t bitch and moan, I know I still have an excellent lot in life and make no mistake; although push me and I’ll tell you how I hate being on the frontline and witnessing my grandparents going from older to old and witnessing an illness with no real cure sapping your mother’s energy, all of it contrasting with the memories of my grandparents being fit and strong, invincible; they raised me for a few years when my mum got ill and before that she was indefatigable and all of that, all of it clashes with present circumstances and sits uneasily.

But I know deep down that I’m not underappreciated and that I do what I do not because I have to but because I want to and that eases the weight.