2015 Resolutions in focus – getting back into work: Part One

Now that I’ve come out and said what I did here, I feel like my mind is untangling and I can get back to writing and blogging and generally continue moving forward. One of the biggest areas I desperately want to address this year is getting back into employment. To that end I got into contact with a mental health organisation called Mind, who put me in touch with another organisation called Status Employment. What they essentially do is help people with are dealing with mental issues get back into work. You can read more about them by clicking on the link. I’m in the early stages of working with them, I posted back the forms with the information they require yesterday and they will be in touch to meet me soon.

So anyway, at this point in time, how I feel now compared to the years where I was in the middle of depression is like night and day. In saying that, I recognise it would probably be foolhardy to try and rush out into the world and attempt to get back into the swing of things as if nothing had ever happened. One of the things I’ve worked on is total acceptance and ownership of my problems and how my old ways of dealing with things could potentially affect the immediate future.

For example, walking out on my last job a few years ago when I couldn’t cope, which incidentally was my last paid employment, leaving my CV looking a little bare. Another would be the poor coping mechanisms I had in place that led me into doing things I wouldn’t normally do, and also into debt.

The point is that none of the issues in front of me are insurmountable, in fact by going towards them and meeting them head on they will all be dealt with. One of the ways to kickstart this next stage is to work with people like Status Employment. They are there to help people just like me.

One of the things about depression is how isolated it can make you feel. You can feel cut-off and lose faith in the act of trust and also lose hope in, well, lose hope in the concept of hope. Right now though, it is right and beneficial to put my trust in something else. I need to fortify the newly discovered hope I feel for the future, and I feel the best way to do that is to reach for things like humility, courage, bravery, and openness.

I need to accept whatever help is available, accept the tumult of emotions that will come from having to go through everything with them and explain how it is I ended up in this position. Accept everything, move forward, continue to grow stronger, and then in the future give back to those who need the same help that I do now, which is something I want to do in the future and that I feel is important.

And that is the end of part one.

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5 comments

  1. You are thinking clearly and rationally. A great start! When my depression hit, I had to take a leave from work which after 6 months turned into a resignation, I was flailing in therapy, as The Verve said in the 90’s The Drugs Don’t Work, and isolating did further damage to my self-esteem. You’ve got friends, friend. Go at your own pace.

    • Well first of all, that’s a great song haha.

      But yeah, isolation is something that I’ve struggled not just to contend with, seeing as how when you’re alone during a bad period you get stuck in negative patterns of thought, but also comprehend.

      I’m an only child and by and large I really enjoy my own company and figuring things out alone, reading, writing, watching films. Solitude itself is something I value and even crave.

      The last couple years I’ve really tried to understand myself and I’ve read a few different books, one of the best being Quiet by Susan Cain. I learnt a lot from it. I see now that my introverted personality is fine and healthy, but now I can identify those times in the past where it was destructive isolation, the kind of isolation that I would mask or dampen in various ways. I’m much more open now about just saying to someone ‘hey, can we spend some time together?’, not because I’ve felt bad recently, but because I know it’s important to be with people sometimes, to feel connected to someone. For me I thrive on one to one interaction or very small groups.

      Not for the first time one of my replies to you is turning into an essay so I’ll stop here otherwise I’ll just ramble on and on like I have done already.

      I am though glad that we stumbled across each others blogs last year.

      • I am glad we feel comfortable enough to share as well.
        I figured you for a Verve man as well. Underrated in this country. We are all about Oasis. Sadly, Mansun gets the shaft as well in the USA.
        I read Quiet as well as was not as moved as others. I saw it more of a business book, a Lean In for introverts. It could be that I have yet to harness my own introverted nature for success and an am therefore jealous. I was expecting a less cold book. But many have embraced it and I’m glad it inspired you!
        I get more out of reading bios and autobios of people I like and hearing how they they have overcome or are overcoming issues ( William Styron Darkness Visible, Al Pacino Conversations with Pacino, Alan Bennett, Flannery O’ Connor).
        I am also an isolation oddball in my family. And they do not always understand. This is too long. Nice chatting.

      • I think that very point you make, that the book talks about how an introvert nature can be harnessed for success certainly appealed. Obviously I too haven’t done that just yet haha.

        Interestingly, despite how much I liked it, I agree about the content sometimes feeling cold. For me it stemmed from how far removed I was from the examples, the people and the institutions. It all takes place in a world that is so far removed from my everyday life, but the message still carried through.

  2. Yes, yes. The message is one of empowerment, and I also felt it distanced because of her business-like efficiency of writing and choosing money-success stories. As an introvert, I feel I need to start from the ground up. Cain is more like an A type personality trapped in an introvert’s body.

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