Now that I’ve come out and said what I did here, I feel like my mind is untangling and I can get back to writing and blogging and generally continue moving forward. One of the biggest areas I desperately want to address this year is getting back into employment. To that end I got into contact with a mental health organisation called Mind, who put me in touch with another organisation called Status Employment. What they essentially do is help people with are dealing with mental issues get back into work. You can read more about them by clicking on the link. I’m in the early stages of working with them, I posted back the forms with the information they require yesterday and they will be in touch to meet me soon.
So anyway, at this point in time, how I feel now compared to the years where I was in the middle of depression is like night and day. In saying that, I recognise it would probably be foolhardy to try and rush out into the world and attempt to get back into the swing of things as if nothing had ever happened. One of the things I’ve worked on is total acceptance and ownership of my problems and how my old ways of dealing with things could potentially affect the immediate future.
For example, walking out on my last job a few years ago when I couldn’t cope, which incidentally was my last paid employment, leaving my CV looking a little bare. Another would be the poor coping mechanisms I had in place that led me into doing things I wouldn’t normally do, and also into debt.
The point is that none of the issues in front of me are insurmountable, in fact by going towards them and meeting them head on they will all be dealt with. One of the ways to kickstart this next stage is to work with people like Status Employment. They are there to help people just like me.
One of the things about depression is how isolated it can make you feel. You can feel cut-off and lose faith in the act of trust and also lose hope in, well, lose hope in the concept of hope. Right now though, it is right and beneficial to put my trust in something else. I need to fortify the newly discovered hope I feel for the future, and I feel the best way to do that is to reach for things like humility, courage, bravery, and openness.
I need to accept whatever help is available, accept the tumult of emotions that will come from having to go through everything with them and explain how it is I ended up in this position. Accept everything, move forward, continue to grow stronger, and then in the future give back to those who need the same help that I do now, which is something I want to do in the future and that I feel is important.
And that is the end of part one.