..because I really couldn’t be bothered to be perfectly honest. Wasn’t much too report in any case, other than feeling rather listless. Same way I’ve felt today really, the only real definable emotion being irritability manifesting itself as a desire for everyone around me to fuck off haha. Not even in a horrible way, just a case of ‘please just leave me be for a while’.
Can’t help but go over things in my head at the moment that are frustrating me, things that I’ll stick in my Bipolar diary section, a post which will be called ‘How did it come to this?’ which gives a sense I think of the kinda things I’m contemplating. Like how I’m glad to be open and facing things but I’m pissed off too, pissed off at my mind being the way it is. All this shit has just held me back over the years and still is. There’s so much more I can do and be without the fukkery that my mind subjects me to.
I’m still an optimistic person, I’m still determined to get everything in order and my attention is fixed on the future but I think it’s valuable to vent my frustration here like I do now and not just bottle it up like I did for years. I get annoyed that I feel like I should apologise for that. It’s my blog, my space after all.
Tomorrow I have my introductory counselling session whilst this morning I got a letter to say that my ‘work preparation moving on’ course has its own introductory day on Thursday and then starts properly next week. Friday sees an appointment with the doctor. So lots of stuff going on, all of them standing as both signs of progress but also annoyance for the reasons I’ve mentioned.
And that’s about it for now.