My daily journal – and breathe

Today has been infinitely better than yesterday and the past couple of nights. I’m still running on a low amount of sleep, but I did at least manage to get a few hours sleep in a row after finally passing out at around 6am last night.

In the end I was lucky that there was some boxing on in America that I watched live. It was a fight that I really wanted to see but in recent times I watch the big fights across the pond the morning after owing to the fact I know that staying up that late can set me off by playing havoc with any semblance of a normal sleep routine. There are always people posting good quality streams of the fights the day after so no big deal. For me to stay up now it usually has to be a super fight and come May 2nd I will most definitely be staying up for Mayweather vs. Pacquaio.

There was also the opening race of the Formula 1 season in Australia too. All of it was enough to chill me out enough.

My mind is still somewhat racing but I’ve slipped down into a more pleasant gear where I can focus enough to do things. Read a bit more of Rebecca, it really is an atmospheric book, I’m looking forward to reviewing it when I’m finished.

As I say I’m definitely in a pleasant phase. One of the better websites I’ve come across which lists advice and symptoms etc. has this little passage under the heading ‘principle features of hypomania and mania’

  1. Mystical Experiences:
    Can be experienced by believing that there are special connections between events; that there is a higher rate of coincidences between things happening; feeling one with nature in terms of appreciating the beauty and the world around, and believing that things have special significance.

I can feel those emotions just under the surface, bubbling away. I know how potent these emotions can be and in all honesty, that feeling of oneness with the universe and the special tint the world can take when they really take over is without doubt the one emotional onslaught I don’t mind and can deal with.

Like if I could bottle just that part I would as it can be quite lovely and intoxicating to feel this abundance of love and connectedness with everything, and I mean literally everything. It is a perfectly delightful cocoon of intense emotion and understanding; that is, before it morphs into something far more intense and damaging (grandiose thoughts/delusions, which I wrote about earlier this week) but that is the nature of the beast I guess.

Consuming as much information about bipolar as I have done recently through blogs and websites, I’m still astounded to see all these references and stories that so nail all the things I’ve experienced. It’s both comforting and overwhelming. I can’t help but continue to read them and just marvel at how finally I have a definable, concrete definition of what it is that makes me the way I am. It’s a good thing. A really good thing.

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