My blogs been pretty bipolar heavy lately but I woke up this morning feeling calmer – almost blissful – than I have recently. It’s been cathartic to get so much written on the topic recently and obviously it’ll still take up a large proportion of my future blogging, but right now I want to cover more ordinary stuff like I used to.
Open Mic Night
There’s a poetry open mic night in central London that I’ve been eyeing up for a while now. It takes place every Tuesday night and I’ve been going back and forth in my mind on whether I should go and perform some of the stuff I’ve been working on and also some older stuff. I’m still undecided on it at the moment.
Expanding my blog to cover my football team
This is another thing I’ve been thinking about and probably will introduce. I don’t talk much sport on here but I want to start keeping a record of my teams fortunes. The idea is at least partly inspired by the fact I read Fever Pitch earlier on this year (review to come. Also, ironically his is a book that chronicles his life following my teams bitter rivals Arsenal) but also just because I find myself thinking about big games in the past and not being able to remember certain details, certain players. It’s not exactly hugely important but it is weird to think how supporting a team becomes so intertwined with events in your life. Like I know exactly where I was when we beat Manchester United at Old Trafford for the first time since 1986 a couple of years ago (and that it was September 28th), there’s a trip to Bristol on a St. Patrick’s day pissup that will forever be aligned with our goalkeeper Paul Robinson scoring a goal against Watford and nothing will quite compare to watching Gareth Bale blossom into being the most expensive player in the world. But still, I want to have a record of all of our matches and players. It’s sods law that I want to start it after we got panned 3-0 at the weekend but there you go.
I just realised it’s St. Patrick’s day today.
Trying not to stress about the lack of progress in my creative projects.
My writing outside of my blogging has somewhat stalled. Now that I recognise everything that has happened in the past regarding my bursts of energy and focus on writing, I’ve decided that for now, I do not wish to expend the energy it takes to fight against the tide when my enthusiasm wanes and I can’t seem to get anything done.
I’m comfortable with the fact that I have the discipline, motivation and quality required and that right now it’s just something I have to deal with. If anything my writing future is a major reason for me being more willing to accept any medication that I have to take in the future. A mentally healthier, more stable me will enable me to be more focused long term and get things done. Looking back, it’s any wonder I managed to get as much done as I have over the years.
Also, the loss of those bursts of creativity that spring up when I swing into high phases does not concern me because they certainly do not hold the key to my talent or my ability to write. I was good way before bipolar reared it’s ugly head.
Starting to focus on the positives and looking ahead
Like I say, it’s been cathartic to get so much off my chest recently and probably healthy to just let it all out and indulge in the frustration and anger. I certainly feel better for it and I’m about ready to focus on the positives because really there are lots of them.